I was feeling restless and disatisfied yesterday, so I wrote this. I don't really know where it's going, but I thought I'd share anyway. Will blog about actual Brazil things soon.
I’m
just a teenage girl
living in Brazil, struggling day by day just to communicate, and yet I want to change the world. I want to be big
and strong and make
sweeping changes to the
way the world works, and yet I can’t. I can’t
even say no to buying
bottled water. It makes
me feel so trapped and frustrated. There’s so much wrong with the
world, do I even need to list the ways, and yet what can I do? There
are so many people who could change the world,
but they don’t, and
it’s really hard not to see them as evil because of that. I’m watching a world that WE are destroying. It’s not destroying itself, this is our fault. It’s not
‘their’ fault, we are collectively as humanity to blame. And so I accept my
share of the blame, but I don’t know how to be my share of the solution. I know
that I am in a priviledged position compared to so much of the world, and so I
must be more than just my share of the solution. I must take reposnibility for
those who can’t and for those you won’t . But I am still just me. Little me.
Waiting for my life to start. Waiting for the bit where I am able to change the
world. I know it’s not going to come just through waiting, but right now I feel
awfully small, and I need someone bigger to do it for me. Even if that bigger
person is Sophie-of-the-future. If Sophie-of-the-future is going to change the
world (not ambitious or anything) what can Sophie-of-the-present do to make
that possible? I really don’t know. Right now I’m going nowhere, just waiting.
You do feel trapped and frustrated. You can see both little things – and giant things – that are wrong with the world, how humans treat it, how we treat each other. You are feeling vulnerable right now (not being able to talk and understand properly), so you infer that anyone not so vulnerable would be able to change it, and if they don't, it's because they *won't*. Blah!
ReplyDelete(So, all the parenting and psychology books say I should speak to your emotional brain with empathy quite a bit more – can I just skip to information please? It's what I'm better at! :-)
Two points of information.
1. “save the world” is so non-specific that it's debilitating. (I can lend you a book about this, but I'm reading it at the mo.) You have to get it specific, and preferable personal. “Save the dolphins” is better. “Increase Maui dolphin numbers by 50%” is even better. (If I knew anything about dolphins or conservation I could craft a personal goal – something about a particular bay or region, say. I don't.) So, choose one thing to 'save'.
As this is frustrating (you know there are 99 other things out there worth saving), you can always get together with a bunch of friends and all decide what you'll save. Some will work together, and some will encourage others in their projects. (You could start that on the internet right now, by the way.) Studies show (yeah, hate that phrase. The books are here.) that most people will have one key 'issue' (they either work for or support, eg, financially), 2 or 3 other minor 'issues' they help with or donate less to. Apart from that they may give a few dollars at random in the street. As long as all the major 'issues' have their advocates (and we're not actually working against each other – another story) then the world could get saved. I have a saying you may have heard: I don't take much interest in saving the whales myself, but I'm glad that someone does.
2. You are in a research phase right now. You decided that living in a completely different culture for an extended period was a good idea, and it will enable you to triangulate social data for the rest of your life in a way that mono-lingual NZ-ers struggle with. So actually, your role right now is to learn to speak Portuguese, and then to understand how the Brazilians you live with tick. Because it will be 'some the same' and 'some different' from NZ-ers. You could also choose ONE ISSUE to research (in English, internets), so you set yourself up for doing something about it either in an English language context or when you understand Portuguese better. But just one.
Love you. You're a star, and braver than I was at your age.
xxxoooxxx
Like Mum said, I think you can see your trip to Brazil as being a first step towards making the kind of difference in the world that you would like to make.
ReplyDeleteThat was what I was trying to do with my PhD, but now I am just trying to make a difference for a small group of children who cross my path. Nothing very exciting, perhaps, but what I feel like I can achieve right now.
Love you