I wrote
this yesterday, but I wasn’t sure whether to post it or not. Because while it
is true, it sounds worse than it really is. Life is never so terrible that there’s
nothing to be happy about. The sun is shining. I just spent a fairly lovely
weekend visiting host grandparents. But I can’t shake the melancholy feeling.
So here you go.
At the AFS
pre-departure camp in New Zealand before I left, they talked to us about
expectations, and how important it is not to be too fixed on your own
expectations of the exchange, or host families or host countries, because
chances are it’s not going to work out quite like you thought. At the time I
nodded and smiled and thought to myself, yep, I’m alright, while I was okay
with the not living by the beach, or in a big city or anything like that, I had
huge expectations of myself. I knew that learning a language would be hard, but
I assumed that I would be fine. I thought the language barrier was easily
surmountable. I somehow expected that simply because I was in a different
country I would become a different person. A more confident person, able to be
friends with everyone, able to talk without knowing how. I knew I’d miss people
in New Zealand, but I didn’t really know what homesickness was. When I pictured
myself two months into the exchange, I had a very different picture from the
reality. I thought by now I would be able to speak Portuguese. Not fluently, of
course, but decently. I knew I’d miss people, but I thought that it would be
okay after a couple of months. I thought there would be less time spent alone
and tired and not really feeling like doing anything.
Perhaps the
worst bit is I ought to be happy. I have an amazing opportunity, that so few
people get, and I should be happy about it. I have an incredibly loving host
family, and everyone at school is friendly and helpful, so I ought to be happy.
I chose to do this, and paid for it, and everyone back in New Zealand expects
me to be having an amazing time, so why am I not? The whole world is conspiring
to tell me I ought to be happy, and like a petulant child I insist on being sad
anyway.
I'm not so good on analysis of emotions so I'll just chat and maybe that will cheer you up.
ReplyDeleteThe only time I really felt homesick was when I was at Princeton and was flying to Hawaii for my first telescope observing. I was at LA airport during the inevitable multi-hour wait and there was an Air NZ 747 there, and I was thinking "Why the heck aren't I getting on that plane instead?" (LAX is a good place for moping. It has the perfect atmosphere for it, and there isn't anything else to do.)
You could consider requests for a Christmas present. If you don't give me any other advice, I'll just find a couple of books that look interesting.
Last weekend I went touristing with friends and co-workers. It was the first time my new car had gone any significant distance. (Second hand, but newer than any other car I've owned, due to the weird price structure of the Australian car market.) We went to a limestone cave, which had about 500 metres of paved walkway and steps. Then we went to a 'sky walk' about 30 metres up in a Eucalyptus forest. There was also a swing-bridges-over-the-river walk available, but Barbara (my boss and sometime bridge partner) and I decided our 'pretending to be nonchalant about heights' funds had been exhausted by the sky walk, so declined. The other Barbara (German boardgamer and phylogeneticist) and her husband Bennet (Kiwi and phylogeneticist) were braver.
Now that I have an income again, I've given in to temptation and bought myself an insanely complex Lego set, with 2600 parts, which makes a mobile crane. Alas, it hasn't arrived yet. I ordered it Saturday weekend before last. The following Monday, Lego sent me an e-mail to say it had shipped, and supplied a tracking number by which I can watch its progress via the web. A full week after that, the post office agreed that they actually had possession of it. It still hasn't actually moved anywhere. I think they're doing this to torment me.
Uncle Michael.
I forgot to mention that I learned from my LAX experience, and the next two observing trips I took to Hawai'i, I made sure to book an NZ-Hawai'i return flight as well to take a trip home. Not that this does you any good. This is typical of Real Life - on the rare cases it deigns to give you an Aesop, the Aesop is of such narrow scope you'll probably never use it. ("Experience is something you gain immediately after you needed it.")
DeleteHave you read Connie Willis "To Say Nothing of the Dog"? I'm sure there was a copy around your house. If you haven't, I'll include it in your Christmas present. It is my Favourite Book Of All Time. I'm currently rereading it for about the 6th to 8th time.
The Lego set arrived on Friday, in time for the weekend. Yay! As of writing, I'm about 60% through building it. According to the parcel tracking number and the web site, the package was "in transit" for a grand total of one minute. So this accounts for the delay - they were busy building a teleportation machine.
Here's some logic puzzles for you.
(1) There is a team of 3 people. They will each be dressed in a jacket with either a black or white spot on the back. Then they will be released together into a room, so that each can see the other two people's spots, but not their own. **There is no possibility for them to communicate with each other during this stage**. (Imagine a setup where they can watch each other but not themselves through CCTV if you prefer.) Then they are separated. Each person is allowed to guess the colour of their own spot, or they may decline to make a guess. They get no information about whether or what other people have guessed or whether they have guessed correctly.
The team wins if (a) at least one person guesses and (b) all people who guess guess correctly. The team loses if (a) nobody guesses or (b) anyone guesses wrongly. The rules are explained to the team beforehand, and they are allowed time to agree on a strategy. Find a strategy that will give them a greater than 50% chance of winning.
(2) Very similar set-up as above. There are N people. Each person has a number on their back, which is an integer between 1 and N. ** The numbers need not be unique. ** For example, with three people, the numbers could be 1, 1 and 2. Again, everyone can see everyone else's number, but not their own, but there is no ability to communicate. Again everyone is separated, and each person guesses what their own number is. (No information is available as to what other people have guessed, or whether they got it right.) This time, everyone wins so long as one person guesses correctly - there is no penalty for incorrect guesses. Again, the team can meet and agree on strategy before the game starts. Find a strategy which gives 100% chance of success.
(3) You have a set of two-pan scales. If you put something on each side of the scale, it will tell you which side is heavier, or if they weigh the same. You have 12 coins. You know that 11 of them are good, and one is counterfeit. The 11 good coins are of identical weight, the counterfeit coin is either too heavy or too light - you don't know which. You are only allowed to use the scales three times in total. You must identify which of the coins is the counterfeit, and whether it is too heavy or too light. Determine a strategy for weighing groups of coins against each other that will do this.
I tried (1) and (3) on Elanor last time I visited Wellington. She got (1) quite quickly, but (at least as of when I left) had not solved (3). I only heard (2) myself last Friday. (I have figured it out. It is probably the easiest of these three.)
Hi!
ReplyDeleteIt's good to hear from you! I've actually been feeling a lot better the last few days, but thanks for the cheering :)
Any and all books are good. And you have good taste in books, trust your choices will be good ones. I have read To Say Nothing of the Dog, (at least 3 times, so i'm not quite up to your efforts, but i've given it a good shot. Why read a book once when you can read it over and over again?) and it is fantastic. The only books I have here are A Song of Ice and Fire (if you haven't read them I highly recommend) and the two towers.
Swing bridges over the river and you opted out! But swing bridges are amazing! But then, Lego sets are also amazing, so that can be a fair replacement.
I'll get back to you on the logic puzzles :)
Sophie has feelings... Does Sophie have HURT feelings? I think that it's time for a Flight of the Concords song to cheer you up.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuJzSTNDUGI